As many before me, I started practicing Aikido for all the wrong reasons. Long time ago, in my early teens, I was this small frail kid, smaller than most in school and getting regularly beat up by everyone.
I know it’s a cliché story, but I was determined to show those fools next time they attack me and started to practice Taekwondo at my local sports center. At the same time, in the room next door, this group called Aikido group was practicing and couth my eye. They moved in this funny dance motion and were able to handle many people, jump and roll over people, play with their opponents and look invincible. I started training Taekwondo hard and first week, in practice I fainted in the middle of some drills. I was very embarrassed as this stirred up commotion in both groups, having few people being doctors in both group and running to see what happened. In the corner of my eye as I was getting back to reality, I saw few young people from both groups laugh and make comments. It felt like school all over again. As class was ending and both groups were clearing out another group walked in, started stretching and I stayed to see them. They were smaller group and I looked at the entire class. They were doing all the same stuff Aikido group did and also involving all the kicks, chokes and bars Aikido group did not. And they also did not see me faint which at the moment was more important. I joined this group very next class. Few months passed and I got into a better shape. I trained very hard and classes become brutal. Sensei, being a military special forces was insisting on reality of things. Sensei was at the moment 3rd Dan in Aikido and Jujutsu (commonly trained together where I come from), practiced and held rank in few other martial arts too. He had all this cool friends from military that trained in the same center, some of them being very highly ranked in Jujutsu and Judo and members of Olympic team. I looked at him and the guys in awe. I wanted to be just like them. Sensei soon noticed me. That was a time I learned what it menthe to Uke for your Sensei most of the time. So as a result I was now getting beat up at the dojo on a regular bases, and I was proud of it. Somewhere around that time first movie by Steven Seagal came out, and I have acquired yet another role model who was dealing with bad guys by braking their arms and legs. I wanted to be just like him.
Time passed, I went to the army and stopped training. Like many we saw in our dojo come and go, I was one of those that came and went for that dojo. Life happened and I moved to US, completely forgetting about martial arts. Seventeen years later as I spend most of my life trying to make a living and educate myself, I was in my mid thirties, out of shape and a couch potato making so many bad life decisions. I remembered how I felt when I was training and decided to start again. I was certain Aikido was what I want to practice, so I looked for dojo in my area. I went to see few, and finally walked in our dojo one day. Steve Sensei was teaching and I observed the class. I was impressed. This humble man was using simple effective moves explaining the principal and feeling. The way he executed them looked smooth and not mechanical or harsh like other places. As I was not about to faint again, but still wanted to be a “real deal” I joined this dojo. I was not looking for any more role models, but wanted to experience my own personal enlightenment. First time Sensei explained that our “shomen” does not have “do” on it, and that Takeda Shihan told a story that this menthe everyone has to find their own way told me I am at the right place. Since then I met few teachers of this particular style and determined that everyone’s interpretation of their own “do” is somewhat different, but works the same way and on the same idea. For my own personal growth, Lia Sensei’s interpretation probably works the best. I don’t know why. Maybe it‘s the height, maybe cause I learn most taking ukemi from her. It just dose. She is a constant reminder of how I would like my Aikido to look and this gosshuku was no exception.
I apologize for such a long post, but I was hoping to explain what Aikido means to me. I have never used my Aikido in any physical conflict so one can assume that I never found those fools that beat me up many times, also unlike my early teachers and role models I never broke anyone’s limbs. I guess this gasshuku raised the questions in my mind ones more. I find myself starting to look at Aikido as my life and my life as Aikido. I aim to be a better person, father, son, friend, employee; leader as well as trying to see better side of others, although I feel that when I accomplish this in traffic I will master Aikido. I find myself among those that look for this same thing and although I am clearly searching for my “do” I think I am in the right place and on the right track to find it.
Thanks
Dejan
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