By Dan Posney of Anahata Martial Arts of Santa Ynez Valley
I recently had the honor and privilege of attending the Saturday Kid’s Class at Aikido Kenkyukai Santa Barbara (my second visit to the dojo). I remember watching two brothers setting up the mats for class. One by one…and there were a lot…carrying each on their backs. The class was fun, challenging and a great workout! Sensei Lia does a fantastic job of keeping up the energy and flow of the class. I’ll be incorporating some of the warm-up exercises and rolling exercises in my own classes. Afterward, three of us (Lia, myself, my girlfriend – educator for many years) met for a discussion concerning bullies. I came away with so much helpful information.
Many us have had experiences with bullying, at school, at home, as kids, or amazing as it may seem, as adults. You know the old saying “Had I known then what I know now, I’d…”. Yep, had I known then what I know now…I wouldn’t have been such a target for a big kid named Casey. I know what you’re thinking…but, self-defense is only part of it. Ask anyone who’s led the martial arts life and ask them what my teacher asked me “What has martial arts meant to you?” To this day, it sends wonderful memories and emotions through me…and a “knowingness”. Knowing that I thought I was learning martial arts for self defense…but, learning so much more, really about myself.
My own experience with bullies and talking to educators with much more knowledge than I have about the subject, tell me that bullies lack self-esteem or feel dis-empowered and the bullying temporarily fills that need. But, it’s a false gain.
So what do we do? We can protect ourselves. We can learn martial arts. We’ll have fun, gain confidence, feel empowered and we probably won’t be a target for bullying. But, what about the next kid…the kid that takes your place. The bullying will continue on. And what about the person in the bully role? Is there anyone that needs more compassion?
When we fully understand as the Native Americans do “All my relations” (we are ALL related) we’ll accept the bully and love him/her. What? LOVE him? Yes, can there ever be any other answer? Try to imagine what is going on in his/her life to cause such suffering. Anytime we live our lives from Fear, we’ll always bring in more of the same. Conversely, if we live our lives from Love, we bring in more Love.
Each one of us has a choice…to live life the hard way, with struggle, anger and resentment…or with compassion, love, and forgiveness (forgiveness for others and for ourselves).
When I decided to start a dojo and teach, I made the decision to add more meditation, yoga, self-realization and consciousness-raising techniques to my classes. Students still learn everything that they’ll need to receive their Black Belt, but with more emphasis on stillness, awareness and consciousness.
Martial arts can be learned and practiced from that place, from the heart. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba, the founder of Aikido, said it best “The real Way of a Warrior is to prevent such slaughter – it is the Art of Peace, the power of love”. Have the courage to practice your martial arts with love and peace.
This is where Sensei Lia and I (and potentially others) meet. Beyond differences of style or technique, there is a common ground where we can help to heal this often perpetual cycle. Together with compassion and love, we can address this age-old problem. We do this by embracing our kids, empowering them, leading by example and giving them tools to communicate more effectively. Domo Arigato. Namaste.
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